


The past can hurt

by TinkerMel



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 20:36:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4934404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinkerMel/pseuds/TinkerMel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is how Illya become the man he is today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The past can hurt

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a idea in my head for a while. I had to write it out to get it out of my head.  
> I cover a hard subject in this fic so please read with caution.  
> I hope you enjoy and please feel free to tell me what you thought.

Illya Kuryakin was known as the KGB’s finest agent. 

He hadn’t started off that way. If his KGB peers had known the truth about his past, he’d never have gotten past initiation.

Growing up in Russia was hard, but growing up as a homosexual in Russia was even harder. 

Illya had no siblings. Although he had craved a sister or a brother to play with while his mother was away on business. Little did he know that kids could be cruel. 

Illya had always been tall for his age. When he started secondary school, he was a good head taller than the rest of the boys in his class. Being slightly different had meant he was right for the bullies to pick on him.

It started off simply with taunts about his height. He got the nickname of ‘Bear’ and it stuck fast. Illya would try his hardest to ignore these mean words. After all they were just meaningless words, he was able to tune them out with the help of his best friend Viktor. They were inseparable. Every lunch time they could be found in the corner playing marbles. Illya was thankful for Viktor’s friendship. The first day of school Viktor had announced that they were to be best friends, and from that day it had stuck.  
Illya admired Viktor maybe more than he should have. These feelings were new and strange but they felt right all the same. One lunch time he couldn’t contain it anymore and blurted it out to Viktor. He had been a little unsure about how to handle the situation at first but none the less he smiled and with a very shy response he said.

“I like you too.”

This declaration didn’t change their friendship that much. There was the occasional lingering gaze at one another, a light graze of fingers when the passed back test papers. The quick kisses when they were alone in the toilets. Life was pretty good for Illya and Viktor but it was to be short lived.

One summer day during break time Viktor came running to Illya with a bloody nose.

“You have to run and hide, they are coming for you.”

“Who’s coming Viktor?” He tried to get a proper look at his bleeding nose.

“Alexi and his gang. They know about what we are, they know about us.”

“Well you were right, Boris, in the end he did run to his boyfriend” Alexi and his gang came striding around the corner, “Two homos for the price of one.”

Illya stepped in front of Viktor.

“Back off Alexi, I’m warning you.”

“Oh the big bad bear is trying to defend his cub. We aren’t going to do anything. He is.”

That was all the warning he got before Viktor’s fist connected to his face. Illya stumbled back slightly.

“What are you doing?”

Viktor was standing with Alexi now.

“You did this to me. You tried to make me like you. I’m not gay.” He kicks out landing his foot mid-thigh. “I don’t ever want to be friends with you.” Another punch to the face. “I hate you Kuryakin, you are worthless.” Punch. “human.” punch “garbage.”

Illya crumpled to the ground, tears rolling down his face. Why had Viktor done this to him? What had turned him into someone so full of hate? What happened to the boy he cared for? Yes, kids could be cruel.

***

The years passed by for Illya and he learned to keep that side of him well hidden. He left school, and spent most of his time working in the back of a local butcher.

When war broke out he was still too young to join the fight but of course he signed up never the less. This was the only time his height really worked in his favour. He soon became the best in his squadron, which caught the eye of KGB. They found out how young he was on the first day. Even though he was young, they saw him as an asset and a good investment. 

The training regime was cruel and tedious but Illya manged to stay ahead of the curve. New agents required a year of training before they were sent out on missions. Illya only needed 3 months until he was ready.

It was a simple op. He had to kill Vanochek and take the needed files for the higher ups. It was an easy in and out mission. Something unsettled him about that name yet he couldn’t put his finger on it. Illya wanted to rise in the ranks so everything had to go perfectly. 

He found the apartment ok, he just wasn’t ready for what he was going to find in there. The files were strewn across the bed, Vanochek was sat huddled in the corner begging for his life. Illya gathered together the needed files, sliding them into his bag he turns to Vanochek.

“Begging will do nothing, you know too much.”

“Illya, is that you?”

Vanochek lifted his head. Illya figured out why that name was so familiar to him.

“Viktor?”

“Yes, yes it’s me. You work for the KGB now?”

“That is none of your business” He advanced forward till he had his gun touching Viktor’s forehead.

“Please don’t kill me. Take me in I can replicate the device for you.”

“We have scientists for that.”

“Look I’m sorry. I was young and foolish.” Viktor blurted out.

“What are you talking about?” 

“When we were children. When Alexi made me beat you. I was scared. They were going to hurt me and this was the only way they wouldn’t hurt me.”

“What has that got to do with now?”

“Nothing, it’s clear you have to kill me. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you and I am sorry.”

Illya steps back, he wasn’t ready for this. No. He can’t let this affect him. He turns to walk away, swinging the gun behind him he shoots and finishes the mission.

Back at KGB headquarters he acts natural even though seeing Viktor again has his insides churning. He throws himself into his workouts and additional training. Anything to take his mind off those words. How dare he ask forgiveness at the end of it all. He ruined his childhood and made him hide who he was, who he really was. There was no way he could let anyone find out about this. He would be thrown out of the KGB or worse killed. Illya kept his nose to the grind stone. He would complete mission after mission with perfected ease. He didn’t know who had tipped them off about his sexuality.

He was in the middle of one of his intense workouts when the guards came rushing up to him. One butts him in the head with the end of his gun in attempt to make him drop to the ground. Illya just shakes it off and lands a punch to the guard. The other one attempts to kick out his knees. More guards come rushing in, everyone is yelling at him to stand down, all of them pointing guns at him. Illya admits begrudgingly admits defeat and kneels down while the closest guard handcuffs him and leads him to a holding cell.

***

Illya was thrust into a box of a room. The lighting was dim, he had to strain his eyes to see. Only a few things furnished the room, a small metal cot that fit tightly on one side of the room and a bucket. The walls were a sterile white and the tiled floor was cold on his cheek. He sits back on his heels taking in his new surroundings. He didn’t have long until the quiet was broken by loud sirens, the room lit up brighter than humanly thought. Illya clutched at his ears in a vain attempt to block out some of the sound. It lasted only briefly. The sirens were gone and the room darkened again. The noise still resonated in his ears. The silence felt static but welcome. Illya had seen first-hand the techniques used to break those who have wronged the KGB. He knew that they were only getting started. He counted the minutes until the sirens would begin again. He would get no sleep tonight.

The hours dragged slowly. Every half an hour the room would be filled with light and sirens. Illya doesn’t cover his ears anymore. The sound was playing constantly in his head even when the room dimmed. He just lay on the cot staring at the roof.

The locks shift and open on the thick iron door. Soldiers come bursting in, hauling Illya to his feet. His hand are bound and he is pushed out of the room.

He is forced into the middle of the soldiers and marched outside near to the back of the facility. More soldiers wait with large, barking attack dogs. When they reach them Illya is forced to his knees. The soldiers with the dogs get into position in front of him. The barking doesn’t make him flinch, the fact that the dogs are mere inches away from biting his face doesn’t bother him. The thing that gets to him was the homophobic slurs that spout from the lieutenant general.

“You are nothing to the KGB. Your kind is the scum of the earth. You should all be eradicated from the earth.”

Illya stares him down.

“We will change your sick way of thinking. We will not lose such a good agent to this sick disease.”

The dogs are pulled back while another soldier steps in and butts him square in the jaw. He spits the blood on the nearest soldier’s shoes, earning him another hit to the face and so it goes on. Insults and beatings. Illya expected this but experiencing it first hand was another thing entirely. After what feels like hours he is taken back to the small room, bloody and beaten but not broken. He counts down the minutes till the sirens began again.

Days turned to weeks. Each day Illya was taken out and brought back hurt and bloody. They screamed at him to denounce his homosexual ways. Each day Illya would stay silent.

The day started off the same as usual. Soldiers came bursting in, binding his hands and forcing him out of the room. Today was different they turned down a new corridor and came into another room. There was a metal cot and a large mirror that Illya assumed was a two way mirror. He was pushed into the room but he wasn’t alone there was a weeping woman cowering in the corner. Soldiers came to unbind his hands. The lieutenant general spoke over the coms.

“Your constant persistence has caused us to use more drastic means for your re-education. We want you to have sex with this woman. Prove you’re straight. Be a man and do it.”

The woman in the corner screams. Illya flinches at this.

“I won’t do it.”

“Be a man, Kuryakin. Do it.”

“I will not rape the woman, this is not right, this is not who I am.”

“You will do as you are told and fuck her.”

Soldiers burst in hammering commands at Illya, gun pointed at his face forcing him to do something.

That was the last straw. Illya had snapped.

He dives at the nearest soldier taking him down with practiced ease. The rest rush at him in an attempt at dropping him to the ground. Illya turns into them and takes most of them out. More soldiers file into the room. Some are carrying tasers, they fire them at Illya who dodges them or flings someone in its path. For a big guy he was light on his feet but not fast enough. One lucky soldier manages to hit him with a taser, then another and another. It takes four in total to drop him to the ground. The lieutenant general’s voice fills the room again.

“We are by far the stronger power Kuryakin. You will obey orders.”

“I’d rather die.” Illya spits out.

“Take him away. We will try this again tomorrow.”

Soldiers drag him to his feet and push him back to the holding room. One thing was for certain he would not hurt that woman no matter how much they try and force him. He would much prefer death. The sirens began the same routine. Illya closed his eyes and welcomed the distraction.

The next day he waited in silence for the soldiers to come in but no one came. Was this a new tactic to break him? Was he to be left and forgotten about until they deemed it necessary? There was no more sirens the room stayed dim. Illya dared not to sleep in case they came for him. He simply sat on the cot staring at the door. It was mid-afternoon by his reckoning when the door opened. I wasn’t the soldiers that he had gotten so used to seeing. It was the head of the KGB.

“Kuryakin. I have an assignment for you.”

“Why would you be giving me work? I thought I was being punished.”

“We are willing to overlook all your indiscretions for one more job. We simply don’t have anyone as talented or qualified for this assignment as you are. This will be your last and only chance to redeem yourself.”

Illya stared in disbelief.

“What’s the assignment?”

***

The assignment was simple the asset wasn’t to leave with the American. He was to kill in needed. The last thing he expected was to join forces with the cocky American. He held his cold demeanour toward him even when he would flirt with him so freely. It was even more a surprise when he was told that he was no longer apart of the KGB. He was now a part of a team called U.N.C.L.E.

“Come on Peril lighten up.” He tapped Illya playfully on the arm as he passed him to get to the bar. “We are going to be working together more often.”

“Do not presume you have permission to touch me.”

Solo clutches his chest in mock pain.

“Why must you hurt me so, I just want to get to know you better.” He emphasised with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“We may be working together for the foreseeable future but that does not mean we are to be buddies.”

“I’m sure I can change your mind. One way or another.” 

“Do not play with me.”

“I can play if that is what you want.” Solo walk slowly back to Illya.

“Stop this.” He freezes when Solo strokes down his arm.

“Why afraid you might like it?” He leans closer.

Illya snaps. He lands a punch to his gut and watches as he staggers away slightly

“YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY! To flirt so freely and expect everyone you meet to melt in your presence. This is not the Russian way.”

“What is your problem Kuryakin? I was just having some fun.” Solo straighten back up.

“FUN! You think this is fun? You think being tortured for being a homosexual is fun. You have it so easy in America but in Russia I have faced more hardships and beatings for being who I am. You cannot get to me. My feelings for you will not get in the way of my work. So just stop.”

“Wait you having feelings for me?”

“That is not what I . . . You’re twisting my words.”

“Hey, I know what I heard. I’m sorry for what they did to you I really am but you don’t work for the KGB anymore. You are safe here. Both Gaby and I will protect you Illya. You can be who you are with us. We will not judge you. You’re safe with us.”

Illya was dumb stuck. This felt so wrong. He was brought up having to hide who he was. He was tortured for being who he was. This truly was a second chance a life but he didn’t know if he wanted it.

“I don’t deserve this.”

“What you deserve if a chance to be who you are and not have to be looking over your shoulder the whole time. You will have that with U.N.C.L.E. I’m not going to force you into anything. I want you to be comfortable with yourself first before anything happens. Not that anything has to happen. If you just want to be colleagues we can be. Maybe become friends but I will never push you into doing something you don’t want to do. I can wait.”

Illya watches Solo leave the room. He just stands there and thinks back on his words. He was right, this was not the KGB. He was free from them. With U.N.C.L.E he can be who wants to be and if that means finally embracing his sexuality then so be it. He will be proud of who he was and who knows maybe there could be a chance at love in the future.


End file.
